David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families — Halloween, Husbands and Wives

David Bruce Anecdotes

Halloween

• Illustrator Bill Morrison was very much into Batman when he was a kid, and he liked to run around his neighborhood wearing his Sears catalog Batman costume, which was vastly superior to the Batman costumes sold at dime stores. Unfortunately for young Bill, a mother in his neighborhood was an excellent seamstress, and she made absolutely perfect Batman and Robin costumes for her two sons, so the costumed Bill felt like he had to hide whenever those two boys were playing in their perfect costumes. Later, when he was an adult, he bought an expensive — $300! — deluxe Batman costume that came in handy when his sister wanted him to take Justin, her young son — for whom she had made a Robin costume — treat-or-treating on Halloween. The event was a success. Mr. Morrison says, “With my cape down, I made a pretty good Batman. To Justin, I was Batman.”

• Lesbian humorist Garbo participated in a gay and lesbian bowling league where one Halloween she saw a drag queen bowling in three-inch stiletto heels. This is definitely against bowling alley rules, but the manager didn’t say a word — this drag queen was big. Garbo herself bowled on an all-lesbian team called the “Girl Gang,” but when a gay friend named Ron joined them, they offered to change the team’s name. As it turned out, they didn’t have to change their name — Ron thought that it was accurate.

• While growing up, Janet E. Hersh wore a nurse’s costume for Halloween; after Halloween, she kept the costume. Whenever anyone was ill, she ran to put on her costume and pretend to be a nurse. As a grown up, she became Janet E. Hersh, RN.

Husbands and Wives

• C.S. Lewis, aka Jack, had a famous marriage to Joy Gresham. The two married when she was on what was thought to be her deathbed, but she had a remission of her cancer and they were able to live and love happily together for a few years. Ms. Gresham was a remarkable woman. The two occasionally walked on their own land, with Ms. Gresham carrying a “garden gun” that she used to scare birds away from the vegetables in the garden. One day as they were walking, they came across a young man with a bow and arrows. Mr. Lewis said, “Excuse me. This is private land, and you really shouldn’t be here. Would you please leave?” The young man responded by drawing his bow and pointing an arrow straight at them. Mr. Lewis immediately stepped in front of his wife to protect her, but she said, “God d*mn it, Jack, get out of my line of fire!” Mr. Lewis moved out of her line of fire, and she aimed the gun straight at the threatening trespasser — who immediately fled.

• In 1965, President Lyndon Baines Johnson groomed Thurgood Marshall to be the first African-American Justice to sit on the United States Supreme Court by making him Solicitor General. In 1967, an opening appeared on the Supreme Court, and President Johnson scheduled a meeting with Solicitor General Marshall. Mr. Marshall told his wife, Cissy, that he thought he would be nominated to sit on the Supreme Court, but when President Johnson told him that news at the meeting, he managed to look surprised and said, “Wait till Cissy hears this! Is she ever going be shocked!” Hearing this, President Johnson allowed Mr. Marshall to use a speakerphone to call Cissy and tell her the news. Mrs. Marshall answered, and not knowing she was on a speakerphone, she immediately asked, “Did we get the Supreme Court appointment?” President Johnson laughed.

• At one time, an Arabic would-be bridegroom would tell the father of the woman whom he wanted to marry that he was going to steal a bull from him. The man would then steal a bull, butcher it, cook a feast, and invite the family he wanted to marry into to come and share the feast. At that time, he would tell his prospective father-in-law that the meat served at the feast came from the prospective father-in-law’s own bull. The stealing of the bull was a test of the prospective bridegroom — if he succeeded in stealing the bull, he was virile and courageous enough to make a good son-in-law. Of course, the prospective bridegroom would get help from the woman he wanted to marry, and the woman’s father was frequently negligent in looking after the bull at opportune times for the prospective bridegroom.

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Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

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The Funniest People in Families, Volume 4 — Smashwords (Free Download)

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