David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families, Volume 2 — Children and Teenagers

Children and Teenagers

• According to the Bible, we are all children of God. A little girl once asked a new girl in the neighborhood what church she attended. However, the new girl replied, “I don’t go to church. I go to a temple. I’m a Jew.” The first girl asked, “What’s that?” The new girl answered, “You know that there are Protestants, Catholics, and Jews—they’re all just different ways of voting for God.”

• James Roosevelt took his five-year-old son, Franklin Delano, to see President Grover Cleveland in the White House. President Cleveland told young Franklin, “My little man, I am making a strange wish for you. It is that you may never be President of the United States.” The wish did not come true—Franklin grew up to become the 32nd President of the United States.

• Soccer star Michelle Akers almost did not get involved in soccer. When she was eight years old, her mother signed her up to play soccer. However, Michelle wanted to quit right away because her team’s uniforms were pink and yellow, which she considered “girlie” colors. Fortunately for soccer fans everywhere, she kept playing.

• As a child, figure skater Ingo Steuer participated in the athletic system of East Germany, a communist country known for its strict control of athletes, all of whom were expected to train and diet rigorously. One day, Ingo bought and ate an ice cream cone. The next morning, his coach not only knew that he had eaten an ice cream cone, but its flavor.

• While in a store, Donna McLean’s eight-year-old son wanted a toy but didn’t have the money to buy it. Since Ms. McLean wanted him to learn fiscal responsibility, she said that she wouldn’t give him the extra money. Therefore, her son reached into his mouth and pulled out a baby tooth, then handed it to her. She bought him the toy.

• When she was a child, Hillary Rodham Clinton was victimized by a bully named Suzy. Hillary often ran home crying to her mother, until her mother told her, “There’s no room in this house for cowards. You’re going to have to stand up to her.” The next time Suzy tried to victimize Hillary, Hillary knocked her down.

• A family walked past a Baptist church primarily attended by African-Americans. Inside the church, the worshippers were making “a joyful noise unto the Lord.” The family’s seven-year-old son asked his mother, “Why can’t we go to this church? They have a lot more fun than we do.”

• When he was a six-year-old boy, baseball player Cal Ripken, Jr., attempted to set up a five-jump move in a checkers game against a friend. When he succeeded, he was so excited that he jumped up, hit his head on a concrete windowsill, and opened a gash that required stitches.

• When Ruth Bader Ginsburg graduated from Columbia Law School in 1959, her daughter yelled as Ms. Ginsburg walked across the stage, “That’s my Mommy!” In 1993, President Bill Clinton appointed Ms. Ginsburg to the United States Supreme Court.

• When home run king Willie Mays was thirteen years old, he climbed a tree to watch a high school baseball game. The game was exciting, and Willie forgot that he was in a tree. He started to applaud a play, fell to the ground, and broke an arm.

• In 1997, when Tara Lipinski became the youngest person ever to win a United States senior figure skating championship, she was just 14 years and 8 months old. In fact, one week before becoming champion, she had lost her one remaining baby tooth.

• Speed skater Bonnie Blair won three Olympic gold medals in the 500-meter race. As a child, she competed in Tiny Tots races, but she was so young that she sometimes got very tired, fell asleep in her mother’s lap, and slept through her races.

• When he was very young, Maury Maverick, Jr., attended a movie theater which showed a March of Time newsreel in which his politician father was featured. Young Maury yelled, “That’s my pop!”—and was almost kicked out of the theater.

• When horror writer Stephen King’s children were growing up, they earned their allowance by recording books—such as novels by John Steinbeck—on tape so their father could listen to them as he drove.

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Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

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