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David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 — Problem-Solving, Revenge

David Bruce Anecdotes


• When Debbi Fields opened her first Mrs. Fields’ gourmet cookies store on August 18, 1977, she was only 20 years old. The store did not get off to a good start. To bake the cookies, she arrived at 6 p.m., then she opened the store at 9 a.m. By noon, not even one cookie had been sold. Undaunted, she walked around, giving away free samples and inviting potential customers to stop by her store. Mrs. Fields earned $50 that day. By the time she opened her second store in 1979, her cookies were so popular that on opening day customers waited in a long line to buy them.

• In 1901, Theodore Roosevelt and his wife, Edith, moved into the White House, where they had a difficult time feeding and clothing their large family on a Presidential salary. In particular, Mrs. Roosevelt’s wardrobe suffered, and one reporter wrote that she “dresses on three hundred dollars a year and looks it.” In particular, she wore the same dress to social function after social function. However, she was no dummy — she ordered the reporters who wrote about her to describe her dress as being different every time.

• World-class gymnasts use their hands constantly and develop thick calluses. To keep his hands from cracking open, Kurt Thomas used to wear gloves to bed — the gloves were filled with cold cream. During the week before an important meet, he also asked his wife, Beth, to let him wash the dishes. By the way, many world-class men’s gymnasts are small. Mr. Thomas was 5-foot-5 and 126 pounds — small enough that his wife, Beth, could wear his clothes.

• Thurgood Marshall was spoiled as a child. Once, he suffered a hernia, and he overheard the doctor tell his mother to keep him quiet and not let him cry. Young Thurgood decided to take advantage of the situation, so every time he wanted something he started to cry. That way, he got whatever he wanted. However, his mother grew tired of his behavior, so she tied a bandage tightly over his hernia, and then whipped him. He stopped taking advantage of the situation.

• According to Betty White’s book Here We Go Again: My Life in Television, it was actually Merv Griffin’s former wife, Julann, who came up with the idea for the game show Jeopardy. On an airplane, Merv was trying to come up with an idea for a new game show, when Julann said, “Why don’t you switch it around? Give the answer and make them come up with the right question.”

• A burglar broke into and entered the home of Cara Phillips. Unfortunately, she happened to be at home, so the burglar robbed her. However, the burglar had a really bad headache, so he demanded some aspirin. She gave him several Valium tablets instead of aspirin, and when the dosage put the burglar to sleep, she called the police, who arrested the burglar.

• British columnist Michele Hanson has a friend named Brenda who recently became deaf in one ear. This is unfortunate, but it does have an advantage. Now, whenever a bore traps her, she can turn her deaf ear to the bore. As long as she occasionally says “yes” and nods, the bore will think she is listening to him — and yes, it is usually a him.

• Quaker humorist Tom Mullen has an older brother named Frank, who lives in New York City. During strikes by the people who collect the garbage, Frank has discovered a creative way to get rid of his garbage. He gift wraps it, then leaves it out in plain view. Someone always comes along and steals it.

• Marie Antoinette’s husband, Prince Louis, was dull. She used to set his clock ahead, so he would go to sleep earlier than usual, and she could slip away with her friends and party.


• Mary Dugger, a lesbian of wit and intelligence, once stayed at a hotel for gay men in Manhattan. Unfortunately, the gay men were so disturbed by her presence that soon a concierge appeared, requesting that she vacate the premises quickly. Mary now had to do some creative problem-solving: How to get revenge? To get revenge, before she left, she bought an extra-large box of tampons, then hung a tampon on every doorknob in the hotel.


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 — Smashwords (Free Download)


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David Bruce at Smashwords (PDFs and Other Formats)



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