David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 — Education, Fans

David Bruce Anecdotes

Education

• L. Frank Baum, author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, had a mischievous son named Frank, Jr., who once threw a cat out of a second-story window — fortunately, the cat was unharmed. This callous action infuriated Frank, Jr.’s mother, Maud, who picked him up and held him out the window, threatening to drop him. His screams attracted the neighbors, but he learned not to torture the cat.

• Marie Plantz, aka Mrs. Vince Lombardi, was a football fan even before meeting her future husband. At a high school football game, a nun complained that Marie was standing too close to the football field. Marie replied, “Frankly, Sister, if you knew anything about football, you’d know that you can’t watch it from the stands.”

• When Marguerite Johnson was a young girl, a woman named Mrs. Bertha Flowers took her to the library and told her to read all the books from A to Z. Young Marguerite did. Later, she changed her name to Maya Angelou and became the acclaimed author of the autobiography I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

• Every Navajo blanket has an opening in its border. Sometimes, the border will be dark, with one piece of white-colored yarn reaching to the edge of the blanket. This is done so that the weaver will keep her mind open and be able to learn more. When one’s mind is closed, one is unable to learn.

• The lectures of Professor Harold Dwight Lasswell were notoriously difficult to understand. Once, Professor Lasswell walked into his classroom at the beginning of a term and was surprised at the large number of students waiting for him to start class. He muttered, “We shall reduce the number forthwith.”

• Ellen Goodman’s husband was chosen to serve as godfather to Laura, the daughter of some friends of theirs, although he was not noted for his church attendance. At the christening of the child, he joked in a stage whisper to Laura that he would immediately start her training as a druid.

• When he was in vaudeville, Groucho Marx and his wife and child stayed in very small hotel rooms. Because he was determined to educate himself, Groucho stayed up late reading in the bathroom, sitting for hours perched on the edge of the bathtub or on the toilet seat.

• Alexandra Danilova attended the Mariinsky School in St. Petersburg. All of the young girls studying dance there had favorites among the older dancers, and if someone’s favorite dancer made a mistake, the other girls would point to that someone and tell her, “Your ballerina did that!”

• Education was very important to Marie Curie, two-time winner of the Nobel Prize. Whenever she wrote Irène, her young daughter, her letters ended with algebra problems for Irène to solve. In 1935, Irène won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

• As a child, punk poet Patti Smith was teased because she was so skinny. In gym class, whenever she and the other students were weighed, she would put heavy locks in her pockets so she would weigh more.

• When Peter Ustinov was a small boy, his parents received a school report that stated, “This boy shows great originality, which must be curbed at all costs.”

Fans

• Vince Lombardi was a great high school football coach before he became a great professional football coach. His St. Cecilia Saints, a Catholic team, won 25 games in a row before being held to a 0-0 tie by rival Union Hill. After the game, Mr. Lombardi and his wife met superfan and nun Sister Baptista. All of them were crying. Mrs. Lombardi said, “We didn’t lose the game.” Mr. Lombardi said, “But we didn’t win.” And according to Mrs. Lombardi, “Then we started crying all over again.”

• Television viewers love the specials starring Charlie Brown. On the Valentine’s Day special, Charlie Brown doesn’t get a single valentine, so hundreds of viewers send valentines to the TV studio so that they can be given to Charlie Brown. On the Halloween special, Charlie Brown gets rocks instead of trick-or-treat candy, so viewers send bags of candy to the TV studio.

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