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David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 — Children

David Bruce Anecdotes


• Punk poet Patti Smith was the oldest of three children in her family, so she considered herself the boss of her brother and sister. She would order the other two to do chores such as cleaning by telling them, “OK, we’re going to play War, and I’m the sergeant. Todd, you do the bathroom; Linda, you do this; and I’ll go out. When you hear my footsteps, if you’re not done, you’ll be court-martialed!” At other times, she would say, “Let’s play Mean Father! You be the kids, and I’ll beat you to death if you don’t have the house clean!”

• Scientist George Washington Carver was raised by Moses and Susan Carver, the white couple who had owned his mother before she was freed by the Union victory in the Civil War. When George was only one year old, the Ku Klux Klan kidnapped his mother and she was never seen again. People assumed that the KKK had murdered her. As a boy, George spent a lot of time outside investigating nature, and before he was allowed to enter the house, Mrs. Carver insisted that he look at the contents of his pockets and remove anything that was living.

• Beth Joiner, a children’s dance teacher in Georgia, knows more about the goings-on of her students’ family lives than the students’ parents probably want her to know. For example, one young boy asked her, “Do you know what my sister and I do when my parents go in the bedroom and lock the door?” Miss Beth answered that she did not know, and the boy explained, “We throw the ball in the den — we’re not supposed to.” From this conversation, Miss Beth learned that parents and children can both do things that they don’t want the others to know.

• The young daughter of one of controversial filmmaker John Waters’ friends shares his love of cheap horror movies, so he often takes her along to watch them. Once, a woman saw the girl and asked which movie she was going to see. The woman’s jaw then dropped when the little girl answered, “The Bloody Pit of Horror.” This is the same little girl who went to see Superman with Mr. Waters. Halfway through the movie, she asked, “You mean we’re going to sit through the whole thing?”

• When Irène Curie, the daughter of Nobel Prize-winners Pierre and Marie, was very young, a family friend named Eugénie Feytis took her to a natural science museum, where she saw the tooth of a mastodon. Irène asked Eugénie, “Have you ever seen a mammoth?” Eugénie replied, “No. The beast lived a long time ago.” Irène thought for a moment, and since she wanted an eyewitness account, she said, “Very well. I shall ask GrandPé.” (“GrandPé” was her grandfather.)

• When horror writer Stephen King was six years old, he wanted to listen to a radio program called Dimension X, but his mother wouldn’t let him. Therefore, Stephen crept out of bed, cracked open the door of his bedroom, put his ear to the crack, and listened to the night’s program — Ray Bradbury’s “Mars is Heaven.” The program terrified young Stephen, and he spent that night sleeping in the hall, so he could be near the light burning in the bathroom.

• Theatrical guru Danny Newman has been a fierce defender of human rights, including his own, throughout his long career. He started early in defending these rights. When Danny was age five and in kindergarten, his teacher denied him his human right to go to the bathroom when he had to go. He stormed at her, “You don’t own this school! The Board of Education does!” Then he stormed out of kindergarten and went home.

• Maurice and Anna Schwartz once adopted a little boy and a little girl, brother and sister, who were Holocaust survivors whom they found in a Belgium orphanage. At first, they were going to adopt only the little boy, but the little boy insisted that they also adopt his sister. Moved by his insistence, they also adopted his sister and treated both children lovingly.

• When Whitbread Race sailor Dawn Riley was a kid, her family owned a boat they named the Sieve — the name was suitable because the boat leaked so much. Also when she was a kid, she went fishing occasionally. The first time she caught a fish, it was only two inches long, so her parents told her to put it back in the water so its parents wouldn’t worry.


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 — Smashwords (Free Download)


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