David Bruce: The Funniest People in Families, Volume 4 — Food


• Ralph Nader’s mother used to give her children chickpeas as a snack, and she used to scrape the sugary frosting off of birthday cakes before giving them a piece. In addition, because she didn’t know what hot dogs were made of, she never fed her kids hot dogs. At her household, kids were expected to eat what was on their plates, whether they liked it or not. If a kid ever objected and asked why he or she had to eat something, her standard answer was this: “Because it’s good for you.” She also had a number of stories to go with certain foods. If one of her children didn’t want to eat a food with lots of vitamin C, for example, she would tell the child a story about sailors who got sick with scurvy until they learned that lemons would prevent the disease. And if telling a story about why a certain food was healthy to eat didn’t convince a child to eat something, she would look the child in the eyes, and ask, “What does your tongue have against your heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys?”

• When he was a child, future heavyweight champion Joe Louis would wash the floor to help out his mother. Of course, sometimes he got into trouble. One day, he was entrusted with carrying a lunch his mother had made to a field where she was doing farm work. On the way there, Joe made a mistake and peeked into the basket. He saw a baked chicken leg, which he quickly transformed into a baked chicken bone. By the time he reached the field, he had eaten much of the lunch. His mother punished him, and later Joe said, “I cried some mean tears, but my stomach was happy.”

• For a while, the young daughter of John Conwell did not want the different kinds of foods she ate to touch. Therefore, at meals she would often have three or four plates: a plate for meat, a plate for vegetable number one, a plate for vegetable number two, and a plate for dessert. She would eat all the food off the first plate, then eat all the food off the second plate, and so on. Mr. and Mrs. Conwell decided to try to break her of this preference, so they took her to a nice restaurant. Their daughter ordered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich — “on three plates, please.” Fortunately, eventually she grew out of this preference.

• After Steve Wozniak, one of the founders of the Apple Computer Company and a true pioneer of the personal computer industry, graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with an engineering degree on June 14, 1986, he and some friends and family celebrated by going out for pizza pie. As a joke, a friend pushed some pizza into Mr. Wozniak’s face. A newspaper photographer was present, and the next day a photograph appeared in the paper with the caption, “Stephen Wozniak — Computer Pie-In-Ear.”

• In the early day of World War II, Tomie dePaola, who was in the 2nd grade, heard a lot about hoarders: people who bought lots of things they thought would be rationed soon. For example, young Tomie heard about a wife who made her husband buy 50 pounds of sugar to hoard in the basement. However, because of the humidity, the sugar became hard, like a rock. Each night, the husband would go into the basement and chip off a piece of sugar to put into his tea.

• In many ways, things are better today than they were in the good old days. Lois Addy, born 1892, remembered that her father would sometimes invite friends home for supper, even though there were no telephones and he couldn’t call his wife. Back then, to get supper when you had unexpected company, you had to kill a chicken, pluck it, and cook it. Getting supper would take two hours.

• John Howard, a man who did much to reform the horrible conditions of jails in Europe in the 18th century, was a kind man. He used to go to his garden each morning just as the bread cart went by, buy a loaf of bread, toss it, into his garden, then call to his gardener, “Harry, see if there is something for you there, among the cabbages.”


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


The Funniest People in Families, Volume 4 — Smashwords (Free Download)



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